Why are they called 'Fukataichou?
by bunyipbabe
Summary: Renji and Byakuya are stuck on Ichigo's doorstep in the pouring rain trying to get Ichigo to answer the door, but they get a bit sidetracked along the way.... Yaoi warning. Renji and Byakuya pairing. My first upload, b nice.
1. The Doorstep of Doom

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY'RE CALLED FUK-A-TAICHOU'S?

Disclaimer: Lawyer: Miss Tobisreaper would like to make her claim in court that she owns zilch. Thankyou.

**Please review! ;D**

Renji and Byakuya arrived at Ichigo's house at four in the morning.

The wind was cold, and it was pouring with rain, and as they were clad only in their thin Shihakusho's (soul reaper uniforms) they were soon soaked through and the black uniforms sticking to their flesh like a second layer of skin.

Byakuya knocked loudly on the door for the third time, and for the third time there was no reply.

"Maybe they're out?" suggested Renji, hugging himself for warmth, as Byakuya stepped back, annoyance flickering briefly across his normally expressionless features.

"this is stupid," he finally announced.

"Glad you noticed," muttered his vice-captain from behind a loose curtain of dark, wet but still bright red hair. Byakuya frowned a him, but decided to ignore the outburst and carried on.

"They wouldn't have gone out. Nothing's open at 4'o'clock in the morning. And anyway Ichigo's dad doesn't know about my sister. Even if they had gone out, Rukia would still be here to let us in!"

"true…" Renji nodded, and sighed, and Byakuya stared at the ripple of well-formed muscle across his chest with barely disguised interest. Renji quickly turned his head to hide his blush as he noticed, and said, to hide his embarrassment-

"well, I have a simpler solution……"

"What?" Byakuya took a step closer, and Renji noticed for the first time how gorgeous his captain really was.

He'd always known Byakuya was beautiful, in a dark-eyed, moody, and vaguely feminine way, but he'd never really noticed it before now, as he'd generally been busy trying to work out how to defeat him…..

Renji took a deep breath. That was it.

He'd always wanted to defeat Byakuya so that Rukia could look at him again- really look at him, like she had so long ago, like he was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen.

Rukia was the one he'd always loved.

And yes…

Byakuya _did_ look a lot like his younger sister… the same long thick black hair hanging over his shoulders, the same dark-lashed deep eyes, and the same air of stuck-up superiority.

That was why he had been so …_distracted…_ about his captain recently.

It was just because Rukia had been away so much in the human world with Ichigo, damn him to hell the strawberry bastard, and he was missing her…

Nothing more.

Renji had almost succeeded in convincing himself that he was _not_ in love with his captain who had beaten him into a bloody pulp only a few weeks beforehand, when Byakuya's warm lips suddenly pressed against his, and his hard arms wrapped securely around him.

Renji's eyes widened, and he tried to wriggle away from the kiss, but Byakuya had him in a vice-like grip and the hilt of his zanpakutou (soul slaying sword) was diging uncomfortably into his thigh…

…At least, he hoped it was his zanpakutou hilt.

"Care to finish off your sentence, Abarai?" murmured his captain into his mouth, and Renji suddenly felt like he was drowning in those endlessly deep violet-black eyes.

"I…I…I was just going to say…"

"Yes?" Byakuya pressed himself against him again, and this time, Renji kissed him again, giving into the wave of desire which coursed through him.

"I was going to say…" he gasped as Byakuya's cold hand slipped inside his kimono, tracing lines down his tattooed stomach with icy fingers.

"That… that the reason they aren't answering the door is…"

"yes?"

"Because…"

"Yes…?"

"They're asleep."

"Ah."

They stood there for a few minutes in rather companionable silence, especially seeing as it was still pouring with rain _(Ha! How many of you forgot about the rain?)_ and that Byakuya still had his hand down Renji's top.

"How about," gasped Renji, as Byakuya ran his tongue lightly up his neck, "We don't bother them tonight?"

"Good idea." Byakuya untangled himself from Renji.

Renji looked a bit dejected in the cold wet rain. Byakuya slipped his arm around Renji's waist hugging him towards him _(Supposedly for warmth). _

Byakuya held him close in his unbreakable grip and this time however Renji didn't even attempt to resist. Renji turned his head towards Byakuya, then slowly and hesitantly he brought his mouth up and kissed his captain full on the lips as the rain sploshed in puddles around their entwined bodies making them even wetter _(and hotter XD)_.

Renji moved his hands up to his captain's hair twirling it around his fingers. Surprisingly, it was incredibly soft, like midnight black silk. He found himself wondering almost dazedly if he used the same conditioner as Rukia did… She was the only other person he knew with hair that soft.

The water ran in soft rivulets down his arms, making his skin tingle pleasantly. Byakuya noticed the slick rain drops dribbling over his golden tanned skin, and in a second he had run his tongue up Renji's wrist, slowly moving upwards towards his neck. His hands tangled in Renji's clothes, and then with one swift movement he had removed Renji's shihakusho to his waist, so that his top half was completely naked.

Renji stood completely motionless as Byakuya ran his hot tongue over all Renji's tattoos, his tongue moved gently over his stomach moving slowly down. Byakuya's hands stroked down Renji's smooth flat stomach, his wandering hands crept down further flooring Renji's shihakusho. Byakuya stare took in all of Renji's inked skin, Renji shifted slightly before moving his hands to floor Byakuya's shihakusho in one move.


	2. Milk Bottles

Hay guys! Tobisgrimreaper here! You wanted it so I made it. Welcome to 'Why do you think they are called Fuk-a-taichou' mark II !

**a warning, this story is probably gonna get M rated soon… but not yet. Just so you know.**

**Disclaimer: Does anyone even read these things anyway?**

**Well anyway. I don't own. If I did I wouldn't be writing fanfic, I would be directing my smutty mind straight into the manga!**

**ON WITH THE STORY!!!**

**CHAPTER 2!**

It was later that night, (sorry I skipped the sex scene, but as I said I don't want this to be M rated yet. Don't worry though, it will get a lot… steamier. Eheheheh…) and Byakuya and Renji, who were still on the doorstep by the way, lay naked in each others arms in a warm nest of discarded shihakushos.

Renji was still asleep, and as much as Byakuya knew that he should wake him before Ichigo's family woke up and found them, he still couldn't bring himself too.

Maybe it was because it was so early, and he was still whacked.

Or maybe it was because he really couldn't bear to lose the adorable expression of innocence which spread over the sleeping Fukataichou's face as he slept…

It was hard to imagine him as the usual brash, angry Renji, always raring for a fight…

But then again, in that one night, a lot had changed.

And so they dozed on under morning's pale and delicate newborn light, feeling the dew settling around them, turning silvery skin soft beneath wandering fingertips.

Eventually, just as Byakuya was seriously debating whether to attempt somehow dressing Renji without waking him so that they could pretend they had merely fallen asleep, the red head shinigami eyes fluttered open, and stared up into Byakuya's blearily.

"Where… where am I?"

Byakuya felt a small smile grace his lips before he could stop it. There should be a law against early-morning cuteness. It ruined the lives (and reputations) of the infamously stoic and loveless everywhere.

(Ha ha, check out Sesshy and Rin…)

"On Ichigo's doorstep. Now get dressed."

Still half asleep, Renji nuzzled himself closer against Byakuya's bare skin, moaning softly.

"Can't i… stay… so warm…?" he murmered into his shoulder, but as much as Byakuya wanted to agree and hold his vice close, he knew he shouldn't…

…couldn't…

and so instead he made do with gently pressing a strictly chaste kiss against Renji's parted lips whilst unwrapping the needy arms from around his neck firmly.

"That was not a request, Abarai," he deadpanned, trying to inject his speech with it's usual icy-cold quality, and succeeding. The soldier buried within the heart of Renji's rebellious soul jumped to attention at that, and the young man pulled away reluctantly and began systematically tugging on his dark robes once more.

He had just donned the top part of his Shihakusho, leaving Byakuya with a tantilisingly delicious view of muscular thighs adorned only with a few swirled tattoos, and the captain himself was lain comfortably with the grass tickling against his cool stomach, watching him, when suddenly they were alerted to another's presence by the feral growl of an engine in the street…

…and the loud crash of breaking glass, as the milkman who like so many others in Karakura could almost see ghosts, realised just what the hazy fuzz of shapes before him really was, and dropped his bottles.

It was just too good a chance to resist, as Byakuya watched the poor man stutter and desperately try to hold back the girly scream trying to emerge from his throat.

Memories of the little boy he had once been flew back at him, cocky and proud and loud-spoken, chasing Yoruichi of the Shihoin around the garden for stealing his hair band… (Spoooooilers. Sucker, what ya gonna do about it? (I'm in a bad mood. I hurt my ankle in netball…))

Such a lot had changed since then…

…but such a lot hadn't.

So for just the scantest of seconds, Byakuya found it within himself to drop the emotionless façade, and said, with a pleasant grin,

"Don't worry about it, mate. We've had quite enough milk already, Thankyou…"

it was enough.

The milkman ran off screeching something inaudible at the top of his lungs. But to the highly sensitive ears of a Shinigami officer, it sounded something like this:

"GAY GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSTS!!!"

Byakuya smirked quietly to himself, and Renji could only stare.

The had just managed to pull on their last items and clothing and become decently covered before Ichigo roughly pulled open the door, yawning loudly.

And then he blinked, taking in the fact that one of the strongest taichous in Soul Society and the strongest Fukataichou were sat demurely on his doorstep looking WAAAAY too innocent.

"Hey you guys," He said suspiciously, scrubbing the sleep from narrowed brown eyes. "Were you out here all night?"

"Yeh," answered Renji, running a hand through his tangled locks and frowning. He needed a hairbrush and he needed one NOW. Maybe Rukia could help…

Then Ichigo's eyes strayed to the broken milk bottles, and widened perceptibly.

"What happened?"

"Oh yes, and you may wish to get your milkman to… what was it called? Therapy, that's it."

Byakuya stood smoothly, before throwing a casual arm around his subordinate in a friendly way- which still managed to send a blush shooting across his Vice's tanned cheeks…

Ichigo looked, still slightly dazedly, between the two, and eventually decided that no, he didn't really want to ask, instead making do with holding open the door and motioning them inside with a swift sweep of the hand.

TBC…

**TY sehr sehr much to all my reviewers, as well as my two betas, my twin Sophia Anna-Mae, and my Bessie m8 HyperAngelfromHell! **

**Tee Fanny: **don't worry about Byakuya being seme all the time… I've already planned a few chapters ahead, and believe me, Renji will get his chance…

Eheheh.

**The-KuppyKake-Novelist :** yay! It worked! I was kinda worried that everyone would remember the rain and my little joke would be lost… sighz.

**Silvery115 :** Here ya go, I updated! And there will be more. Much, much more. And much much more detail too…

I haven't written much smut before, so I'm still a beginner at sex scenes, which is kinda why I left it out… gomen!

**Hatake Tsughi : **Yep, hot hot hot… It's on fire! Yep, more to come…

**Pink Cloud **and **Northen Shinigami: **Hahaha, yep, still on the doorstep! Don't worry, the next time they get down and dirty will probably be somewhere more private.

**CrazyGirlZula: **Thankyou very much, your review really made my day! I'm glad someone else finds that funny! Keep reading for more naughtiness… ;p

And last but definitely not least…

**Sophia Anna-Mae: **You're my beta. You wrote the lick scenes. You should know! Lol.

Hope u all liked! Plz keep R&R'ing!


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